Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Shutterfly's Christmas Card Offer

Just when I'd pretty much decided against sending a Christmas card this year, I saw a friend's facebook post about Shutterfly's offer for free Christmas cards for bloggers.

I think I might have used Shutterfly one time back when Luke was first born, but it's not been my usual online photo printing service. However, after looking through lots of their products, I plan to give them a try.

I love the options for the different kinds of photo cards. There are different sizes, color schemes, editing options, choices for flat or folded, photo paper or stationery, some with room for a holiday letter, and one with a timeline inside! Over 805 choices. How to choose?

I think the photo books have nice options, too. As a scrapbooker, I really like the 12x12 size they offer. I've considered switching to digital albums for Luke's books, and the option of having the consistency of the 12x12 album (which is what his traditional albums are) really appeals to me. You can create your own custom photo book, or take the simpler route and let them auto-fill it for you.

You can make calendars on Shutterfly, too. I may need one of the desk calendars for work!

I will let you know how the Christmas cards turn out. I love free stuff, especially when it's useful, good quality free stuff! Thanks, Shutterfly!

I'll post the Christmas cards once I make them.

Friday, November 26, 2010

Yesterday was a much-anticipated day in my house. We have been waiting for it to get here, patiently, for two weeks. Not because it was Thanksgiving, but because it was the day I was supposed to go for my pregnancy test following a cycle of in vitro fertilization.

It has been six and a half years since I went through this process to have Luke, four and a half since we did it again and lost a baby. Since then I have shelved the emotions that go with wanting a baby and not being able to have one. I have put away the questions that plagued me in the years prior to having Luke. I have not forgotten how it felt, and I recognize every single day how blessed we are to have Luke. Because of our precious son, because of how happy we are to have him, and because our little family of three has so much fun together, I have been able to enjoy life and put aside the desire to expand our family.

Then my nephew Jackson was born. Two summers ago, Luke wasn't so jazzed about having Jackson around. He complained that Jackson cried too much, and he decided he didn't really like babies "because they don't know anything about pirates." (Pirate obsession was in full force at that time.) This summer that changed, though. Luke adored having Jackson around, got in his face to try to make him laugh, read books to him as patiently as he could, and wanted to be around him every chance he got. When we came back to Caracas, Jackson was all Luke could talk about. He is obsessed with being older than Jackson, and talks frequently about how he will always be four years older than his cousin. He even tries to figure out what grade Jackson will be in for each grade Luke will be in. Several months ago, Luke put two and two together and decided that if he had so much fun taking care of Jackson, that maybe he would like to have a brother or sister of his own.

Jason and I had already decided that we would start the IVF process again this year. When I started having doctor's appointments sometimes twice a week, we let Luke in on the little secret that we were going to try to give him a brother or sister. He has been very sweet through the whole process, praying for a brother or sister, asking frequently if he's getting one. I wish it were as easy as putting it on his Christmas list! That's what he asks for more than anything.

We found a doctor in Venezuela to work with. A few friends have used him before and spoke well of him. Going to the doctor here is much different than in Texas, though. My wonderful doctor in Texas was so organized, so open with information and the "plan" for the IVF cycle. Here, I have had to ask every question, to do my own second-guessing, and even to text the doctor before we leave for his office to make sure he remembers the appointments! I have all my records from prior cycles, though, and as I've been checking this cycle against those records, I am reassured that he is using the same drugs, the same protocols, the same schedule as my doctor at home. The style and organization is just totally different, and, for me, frustrating.

The in vitro process in itself is fascinating, humiliating, emotionally and physically taxing, and not romantic in the least. There is no guaranteed outcome. Through this process, I have:

- gone off of Prozac and felt like a crazy person given the combination of the lack of seratonin in my body and the addition of multiple other hormones that make me feel bizarre
- had five "invasive" sonograms administered by a male doctor
- given myself 40 different shots
- taken progesterone in a way that no one would choose... 42 times
- had my blood drawn about 10 times
- undergone general anaesthesia for the egg retrieval
- drunk lots of water in order to have the abdominal ultrasound for embryo transfer, and had to wait an hour for the doctor (who was late) to arrive. I got to pee three different times for five seconds each in order to relieve some of the discomfort. It didn't help much.
- done much of this process through broken Spanish, gestures and tears.
- visited labs to do bloodwork (they don't do it at the dr. office here), only to be at the mercy of kind strangers who offer to translate when they realize that I am at a standstill with the girls behind the counter who refuse to speak more slowly for me.
- had to share each step of this process with people at work with whom I would prefer NOT to share such personal information

A big question I have each time we do IVF is to tell or not to tell. I have huge issues with failure. I have spent most of my life being able to accomplish most things I set my mind to do (obvious exception being not being able to turn a cartwheel after years of trying to be Nadia Comaneci), and even though I know I should not feel this way, the inability to conceive a baby naturally makes me feel like a huge failure and disappointment. Sharing the fact that we are trying with others opens me up and makes me vulnerable, and every time things don't work out the way I want them to, I feel that I've let people down. Still, when I have to miss 3 days of work in one week despite being physically healthy, I feel like I need to explain those absences. So people find out. Some of them find out from me, some from Jason, and some through the gossip factory. It is nice to have the support of people I work with, but just the same, difficult to share the failure.

I usually tell family and close friends when we begin this process. I figure it is better to have them know what we're going through and praying with us. I have given updates with each major milestone (the retrieval, the transfer, and now the test results).

Throughout the entire process up to the embryo transfer, I was able to remain emotionally separate from what was happening to me. I administered the shots, went for the sonograms, did the blood tests, all without much worry or concern. I focused on other things, enjoyed Luke and Jason, and allowed the stress of IVF to go on the back burner. After the transfer, it was another story. As soon as those "beautiful" (that's the word the embryologist used to describe our babies) embryos were transferred, the obsession returned. All I thought about for the last two weeks was those babies. Whether I was doing the right things, resting enough, being careful with what I ate, etc. I could tell I was pregnant. The early signs that I experienced with Luke were there. The tiredness hit just as it had with him, and I could not keep my eyes open past 8:30 at night. I could hear my heartbeat in my ear when I lay down on the couch.

Then, three days ago, I started to bleed. Too much to be implantation bleeding, too much to feel comfortably still pregnant. Yet people told me not to lose hope, despite what I felt. Yesterday I went to the lab, where they asked me the date of my last period. What do you say to that when the real story is that you've done IVF, were hopefully pregnant, and then started bleeding? When is the date of your last period then? This was a humiliating moment for me. I couldn't explain in Spanish. A complete stranger helped translate, and I cried as I told her what had happened.

The lady who drew my blood was sweet. She asked the same questions again, and again I cried as I explained in my broken Spanish. She drew the blood and then drew a smiley face on the bandaid she put on my arm.

Yesterday I had to wait for the results all day. At 6:00 PM they finally came. Negative. But with a HCG level that indicated I had been pregnant.

Devastation. Anger. Sadness. Tears. Disappointment. Not thankful at all on Thanksgiving. The questions are back: Why me? Why NOT me? This isn't fair!

I had hoped for two weeks, since I found out the date of the pregnancy test, that I would have good news to share on Thanksgiving. Instead I was disappointed, and I had to disappoint all those I love by sharing that news with them. It is a horrible, horrible feeling. A lonely feeling. No matter what Jason says or does, it is still a lonely process. He has been wonderful, has gone to almost every doctor's appointment with me, has been understanding and caring. I know he is disappointed, too, but it is not his body that continues to fail.

So last night while others were celebrating together, I was at home crying. I could not find anything to be grateful for yesterday. Intellectually, I know how blessed I am. I never forget how fortunate I am to have the family and friends I have, the husband I wed, and the precious, funny, energetic, polite, intelligent son I adore. But it was a hard night.

This morning is better. I have been able to look ahead to January, when we will say hello to the frozen embryos we are fortunate to have and hope that one of them will grow into a baby brother or sister for sweet Luke. I am able to realize how thankful I am for my family, for my friends around the world who have sent me messages of comfort and hope, and for those who live here in Caracas who have helped me through the last three days. I am grateful for my school and my friends here who serve as my family away from home. I am thankful that I have the means to travel home to see my family at Christmas and in the summer, and thankful that I have a wonderful family to come home to. I am thankful for my God, who despite not answering this prayer the way I wanted Him to, still supplies all my needs. I want for nothing I need.

In the meantime, I'm going to have a glass of wine, a cup of coffee, exercise vigorously, and eat all the lunch meat and hot dogs I want.

Friday, August 13, 2010

The Witch's Cackle

I have always loved The Wizard of Oz. Admittedly, I watched a lot of it peeking through the holes of an afghan when the witch was on, and I think much of my fear of tornadoes stems from that movie... but still, I love it! We had a really sweet moment as a little family last spring when we watched The Wizard of Oz with Luke. He was fascinated. He loved it, laughed at all the right parts and was a little scared in all the right parts.

Sometime after we watched the movie the first time, I told Luke that Mimi could cackle JUST like the Wicked Witch. Not only that, but she has played the Wicked Witch before in the play! We called Mimi on Skype so Luke could ask her to cackle for him. She did it, and he was so impressed! Mimi promised Luke that she would show him her wicked witch nose and chin this summer when we got home. He did not forget that promise!

So, here are a few shots of Luke and Mimi trying on the witch nose and chin.



Doesn't Luke have the world's greatest (and most talented) Mimi?!? By the way, on the very same day, the two of them went outside and collected bugs in a bug house she had bought for him, too. The next morning the first thing he said to me was, "Mama, isn't it amazing that Mimi and I caught that beetle last night!?"

I know we miss out on a lot of the "normal" time lots of kids get with their grandparents, but I am so grateful for this kind of time he gets with Mom and Dad. Most kids don't get that the way he does. Thank you, Mom and Daddy! We all love you! Even if Mom is a witch... ;) AAAeehh-hah-hah-hah!*

*That was my best attempt at transcribing the witch cackle!

Great Friends and Unlimited Filet Mignon




We usually get together with the Farleys and Shabouts before we leave each time we come home. We either go to a Brazilian steakhouse or The Melting Pot. This time we went to Boi Na Braza and had dinner.






The food was delicious. Jason informed everyone that I ate as much steak as he did. I sure felt like it! We had dessert, too, and I felt like Templeton the rat afterward!


It is always so much fun to get together with these guys. I miss them so much when we're away, and love catching up when we get home. Jason has had the pleasure of knowing them since he was a kid, and I am ever-grateful they adopted me into the group! :)

Summer time

We had a very busy summer living out of suitcases and traveling from place to place. Jason began his summer at a conference in New Mexico while Luke and I stayed in Texas. Then shortly after he returned, our whole family went to Hawaii. We had a great week there all together. (I will probably post some highlight pics later...they're already up on facebook.) The day after we returned from Hawaii, the three of us left for Wisconsin and Illinois. We spent time with Uncle Bob and Aunt Liz before going to Illinois to see Aunt Nancy and Uncle Victor, and then heading back to Wisconsin to go to the fair and visit Grandma and Jeremy. Then I flew home to be in Texas in time to visit with Noel and Rachella (Egypt friends), who were there for a conference. Jason and Luke drove home about a week later, and then we had about ten days before we came back to Caracas. When people asked how our summer was, I say, "Great, but not very relaxing." We were just on the go so much!! We did get to visit many of the people we had hoped to see, which is always fun, and we had lots of good times with Mimi and Granddad, Aunt Kari, Uncle Scott, Aunt Jenny, and Jackson! Here are a few photos from the END of the summer.




We are now back in Caracas. We love it here and are glad to be back. The beautiful weather is so wonderful. Right now our windows are open, we have a nice breeze in the house, and everything is quiet. We've been back at school officially since Tuesday, but Jason and I have been there every day since last Wednesday. Our classrooms are both just about finished and we're on to lesson planning and working with our teams.

A note about the blog: Several people have commented on how infrequently I've posted since we moved to Venezuela. When I started this blog three years ago, I was still a stay-at-home mom. Then the next year I taught art and only had four lessons a week to plan. Luke was still home, in preschool every morning. Last year I went back to teaching fifth grade full time, and Luke started kindergarten. My job is fun, intense, and exhausting. Luke has homework every night, and we all participate in after-school and evening activities. We love our schedules and our life here. I just do not have the time and energy to post as frequently as I used to. I am going to make more of an effort to post weekly, or at the very least, every other week, because I know there are many people who love to see photos of Luke and hear how we are doing. I appreciate the gentle nudges to write, but please understand that I'm doing the best I can do! :) If I fall off the face of the earth for a while, please forgive me. Thanks for reading, and thanks for understanding!

Love,
Katherine

School construction


Here you go, Sascha! More and better photos to come. Jason's going to take the camera to school tomorrow.

Luke's New Quarters




Thanks to Mimi, we have some great new decor for Luke's pirate bedroom. She gave him some vinyl stick-ons for his wall, a neat sign for his door, and a new pillow with his name on it. I added the collage on the wall behind his bed, and hung up a net that mom gave me years ago for my classroom. His pirate toys provide the rest of the decorations. Voila! New quarters for James Barrelwalker!

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Fun Luke Videos

Here is some video I took last week of Luke singing "Somebody to Love." We have the Glee soundtrack in the car...maybe we need a new CD?

This is Luke watching Darth Vader fight for the first time. Listen for him to say, "He double crossed him!"

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Rio - Last Day and a Half

After our previous days of sightseeing and running around Rio, we were ready for some days of just hanging out on the beach. We met our buddies at Ipanema beach and camped out for the day. Luke had a great time in the waves.

People selling dresses, blankets, sarongs, sunglasses, and jewelry approach beachgoers all day at the beaches in Rio. Jason bought a pair of sunglasses from one, and I bought a dress and this beach blanket. I love it! It gets a lot less sandy than a towel.


Here are some more pictures of Luke playing in the waves:


Here comes a big wave! Look out, Luke!

Luke swordfighting with Brian.

Luke and Daddy at the end of the day:


We went out to dinner with Brian and Laura (fellow 5th grade teacher) at a Brazilian restaurant our last night in Rio.

During dinner, a group of street performers performed right outside our restaurant. They were really fun to watch!

___________

Our last morning in Rio, Jason did a little souvenir shopping while Luke and I went to the beach to meet Jill, Sascha, and Andy. We hung out and played in the waves for a while. When I got too tired to play anymore (from being knocked over again and again and again!) Sascha got in and played with Luke for a long time. Luke was quick to teach him how to throw him into the waves so he could body surf in. I was so grateful to have a break from those powerful waves, and Luke had a great time with Sascha.


Jason joined us with bags full of souvenirs at about noon. We had a few hours together on the beach before heading back to the hotel for quick showers and then out to the airport that evening. We loved Rio, and would love to go back there again!

Day 4 - Christ the Redeemer

We went to the Christ the Redeemer statue knowing that it was covered in clouds. We'd hoped that they would clear away enough to see the statue and to get good views from it. It turns out, the clouds didn't clear, and the statue was so covered in scaffolding that it was difficult to see it anyway.

Apparently I attract scaffolding. (Refer to our trip to Greece in 2008, when the Parthenon was covered with the stuff!)

We rode up to the statue on a little train. It took about 20 minutes to ride up. Luke fell asleep. :)

Despite the clouds, it was neat to see the view from the top.


Jason was jazzed to see another one of the New Seven Wonders of the World. (He has seen the Great Wall, Petra, the Colosseum, and Christ the Redeemer and still lacks Machu Picchu, Chichenitza, and the Taj Mahal)

Luke obviously woke up... and this little picture is a glimpse into our relationship and Luke's personality!

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Day 4 - Hang Gliding and Lunch

Before we left for Rio, our friends suggested hang gliding while we were there. Hang gliding has always been something I'd thought I'd like to try, though my fear of danger in general has kept me from ever seeking out an opportunity! I'm not a thrill-seeker, so this type of thing is WAY out of the norm for me. However, I dream of flying all the time (Sometimes I soar like a bird. Sometimes I'm Harry Potter on a broom chasing after the golden snitch.) and I figured hang gliding is about as close as I can get. So... I said yes!

We got up the 4th morning we were there, got in a taxi, and headed to a beach that was about 45 minutes from the hotel. Our hang gliding instructor met us there and took us over to a building where we signed our lives away before matching up with the instructors who would fly down with us.

The scenery around there was just beautiful.



Andy, Jill, Sascha, and I each got into cars with our instructors and rode up the mountain into a national park. (Jason and Luke waited at the bottom.) Our hang gliders were bagged up and strapped to the tops of the cars. At a point pretty high up on the mountain we stopped and put on the gear (helmet, harness, knee pads). The instructors gave us a quick lesson that basically involved the following instructions: Hold my shoulder with your left hand and this strap with your right. Run off the ramp, don't jump. Look to the horizon.
Andy went first off the ramp. As his hang glider soared back past the ramp, he squawked like a pterodactyl. It was so funny! Then Jill took off, followed by Sascha. Since all my friends were gone, and since all of them ran off without crying or freaking out, I decided I pretty much had to follow through and not chicken out. So the next thing I knew I had run off the ramp and was soaring through the air!
It was not what I expected. I think I expected a sort of dipping down and up sensation, but instead it was just like floating. I enjoyed it, BUT the instructor kept taking me higher and higher! This is usually thought to be a GOOD thing, but when you're a scaredy cat like me, not so much! He said, "Now we're 50 meters above the launch." Then a few minutes later, "See that flag on top of that mountain there? We're even with it, and it's 100 meters above the launch." Higher and higher we went. Finally I said, "I'm pretty sure no one ever asks you this, but... when do we get to go back down to the beach?"
Honestly, I was not sure that I would EVER get back down to the beach during those first 10 minutes or so! I tried to be a good sport and enjoy the view, but I kept thinking we were just going to keep on going up. Then I thought "There's nothing between me and the ground. If this thing snaps in two, they're NEVER going to find the pieces of me!" So my instructor was very kind and started to descend.
The view was incredible. There are some great pictures that the instructor took. You can see them by clicking here. Because I was too scared to move from the position he originally told me to take, I am stuck in the same pose throughout the flight. The backgrounds look fake, but I assure you, I really did run off that mountain!
Here are some of the photos Jason took. I think the three little specks in the sky are Andy, Jill, and Sascha. You probably can't see me because I'm up above those clouds. :/
Here's Andy just after he landed:


And Sascha:


(Somehow we don't have a picture of Jill when she landed.)

Here is a picture of me on my way down to the beach. This is probably right about the time when the instructor said "I'm going to unhook your knee from the harness and your body is going to move into a more upright position for the rest of the flight."
I said, "No you're not going to unhook me from this harness!"
He reassured me that he had to unhook me in order for me to be able to run on the beach for our landing. The rest of me would still be hooked in, but my knee would be free to run.


I don't remember the landing much, just that he told me he'd tell me when to start running. I didn't listen and tried running in the air for about 5 seconds before we landed. Pretty sure I looked like Wile E Coyote running in the air after he falls off a cliff... Oh well. I made it down safely!


I don't know that I'd say it was super fun - I think I was too scared - but I sure was glad I did it, and I'll never forget it!
When I got down, Jason went up and took his turn. As a life-long thrill-seeker, I'm pretty sure he was nonplussed by the experience. I'm sure sky diving is much more exciting!


After hang gliding, we were all starving and grumpy, but we decided to press on and head to the Christ the Redeemer statue before stopping to eat. When we got there, we had to walk for 15 minutes to get to a restaurant. Boy was I glad when it was pizza!

Andy and me


Jill and Andy

Jason and Sascha


Here are some more of Luke's pirate tattoos. You can see the pistol on his bicep here - Jason taught him to ask people, "You wanna see my guns?" and then flex!

Then he'd ask "You wanna see my pirate ship? You wanna see my sword?" and show the other tattoos, too.


Rio Day 3 - Ipanema Beach

Day 3 in Rio...back to Ipanema we went! We first had breakfast in our hotel and then headed out to the beach, staked out a place, and waited for our friends to join us. Jason and Luke built a nice big sand castle with a moat together.


I think if you click on this picture below you can see where Luke wrote his name (first and last) in the side of their fort wall.


Here's one of my favorite pictures from Rio - Jill, Sascha, and I are in the background.

Shortly after we took this picture, it started to pour! We quickly gathered our things and made a quick getaway. We spent the afternoon and evening shopping at the mall again. I LOVE vacation! :0)




Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Rio Day 2 - Sugar Loaf

This is Pao de Acucar, or Sugar Loaf. We took 2 cable cars to get to the top to see the magnificent views.



Here is Luke inside one of the cable cars with our friend Andy.

The view on the way up the first cable car: (I wanna know how you get to play on THAT beach. It was so beautiful!)





We stopped and took some pictures at the first cable car stop. There was good shopping there, too, so we bought some souvenirs.



Christ the Redeemer from the first cable car stop:




Christ the Redeemer as seen from Sugar Loaf

At the top of Pao de Acucar


Jill, Judi, and me. The wind was blowing like crazy!

Riding down in the cable car:

After coming down in the cable car, we took taxis to a Brazilian steakhouse (churrascaria) for dinner. It was good, but I still prefer Fogo de Chao better. This one didn't have the little red and green cards, and that is one of my favorite parts! :)

For dessert, we ordered profiteroles. The best part was watching the guy pour all that yummy chocolate on top!