Time

Time is so odd. This time last year, we remarked that our first month here felt like six months. We were so grateful that things would be different this year. Things were definitely easier this year. It was wonderful NOT to be new. But two weeks after we got back this year, it already felt like we'd been here a month. And, now that it's almost October and school has been going for four and a half weeks, I've decided that the first month back has again felt like six. Why is that? Why does time move so slowly sometimes, and fly at others?

My theory is that when things are clicking along and everything's going well, time flies. When things are stressful or difficult, time creeps along. Maybe I need to change that theory. This month has not been particularly difficult. Things at home have been great. Jason has been wonderful, letting me sleep in some on the weekends and staying awake in the afternoons with Luke so I can nap. Having Leni here is a beautiful thing. Luke is happy, well-adjusted, making friends at school. My job is still going well (though the kids are getting comfortable and I'm having to be super strict and firm with them). I have no complaints, other than the usual missing my family. Maybe in times of great change, even if the change happens smoothly, time slows down.

Does our brain perceive time this way in order to protect us? To let us feel like we have time to experience everything, take care of it all, and muddle through change slowly? I can remember other times in our lives--times of sorrow or grief--when we have had to wade through one day at a time, sometimes an hour at a time--and I just wished for time to fly by.

At this point I have mixed feelings about time flying. Luke is at such a fun age. Exhausting, yes. Even sometimes annoying. But that boy is so full of joy and life and excitement, I don't want to miss it or let it pass by without basking in all that energy. Other times I can't wait for the next vacation, the next trip home, the next time I get to hug my Daddy. Torn between wanting to hurry through and slow down.

I can remember my mom telling me when I was little that she didn't want me to grow up. She said she'd put a brick on my head to keep me from growing any more. I said something similar to Luke the other day. He was snuggled up in my lap, post-nap, cuddling Scruffy and blankie, letting me scratch his back. I said to him, "Luke, I don't want you to ever grow up." This jolted him from his drowsy, relaxed state. Confused, he looked at me and said, "But Mommy, I have to grow up. I have to be a big man." Later he asked me again why I didn't want him to grow up. I don't want this sweet time with him to slip away. I want him to always want to hold my hand. I want him to say silly things and laugh at himself, to flash that smile. But I also look forward to seeing who he will be come, what he will choose to do with his life as a teenager, a college student, an adult. But I'm in no hurry to get there.

This season of our lives is so different than what I expected our lives to be like ten years ago. Ten years ago I was teaching first grade (against my will), living ten minutes from Mom and Dad, expecting to teach only three years or so before having kids (four kids, of course)...never dreaming that the ten minutes would turn into thousands of miles in a matter of months (the move to Hong Kong) and that the three years before children would become seven. Not to mention many other things that have not happened quite the way I would have expected or planned. But this is a season. And whether I love every minute of it or not, I am enjoying it.

In the spirit of this post about time, and since we're under 100 days until we get to come home, it's time to post a countdown. I usually start counting when it's 100 days, but since I'm teaching, that 100 day mark slipped right by me. I guess that's a good thing! Maybe that means that October and November will go quickly, and before I know it we'll be headed to Texas. Anyway, my best estimate is that we'll be home December 19, so the countdown on the sidebar counts down to then. Yay!