That Lonesome Feeling

I am not very good at meeting new people and making friends. It is definitely not my favorite thing to do. Never has been. I usually make friends through friends, which works for me because it gives me time to observe from afar. To think about what I might say. Needless to say, I am in a situation in which making friends through friends is virtually impossible. I am definitely removed from my comfort zone (in oh-so-many ways!).

I do have a pretty good radar for people I will "click" with, though. We met Noel and Rachella on Day 1. After talking with them ten minutes, I could tell we'd be good friends. Thank God I was right. We have spent lots of time with them, all of it enjoyable and filled with laughter. It's amazing how people who are plunged into the same new situation can grow close quickly.

The first week of being here was sort of like a crazy vacation. We went everywhere as a group, getting acquainted with the city, finding apartments, shopping, etc. I had a blast. I knew, however, that I'd get lonely when reality set in and everyone else went back to work.

Last week was the first week of school for everyone else, so I've had a week already to unpack everything and get settled. I decided that this week I would get out and try to meet some people, preferably other expat moms with kids. I saw a listing in a magazine advertising a playgroup for moms with toddlers at the church. I got there Monday morning, very excited to meet moms and kids for Luke to play with, only to find that there were about 3 other children, all 18 months or so. They were there with their babysitters, not their mothers. I certainly didn't mind visiting with the babysitters, but it wasn't what I really had in mind.

I had also heard that there were quite a few kids and moms who visit CSA (like a community center) on Thursday mornings, so Luke and I went there today to try to meet people. (My skin just crawled--I get so nervous trying to make friends!) Again, I was disappointed. When we got there, there were lots of mothers sitting around having coffee, but there were not children. I guess that's because they're all off playing with their babysitters!

I am discovering that most kids Luke's age are in preschool, even if their mothers are not working. I have batted around the idea of letting him go to school a few mornings a week--the church has a mother's day out program he might be able to attend--just so that he will get some social time. Jason took him to the park last night, where a little boy wanted to play ball with him. Luke threw a fit and said, "I don't want to share my ball!" Jason was so embarrassed and upset that Luke would act that way. I know that sort of behavior is normal to some degree, but what concerns me is what he said today. After CSA, I took him to the park (YES! I found a park! It's got 5 swings and a lot of sand, but I am thankful, thankful, thankful for those 5 swings!) and I told him that maybe we could find some kids to play with. He said, "I want to play with you." I tried to encourage him that it would be fun to play with other kids, and he stubbornly replied, "I want to play with you."

I know I shouldn't worry about this too much, but I don't want to raise an antisocial child. I see way too much of myself in him, in that he'd rather be around adults than kids. So I am dutifully looking for some type of playgroup/Mother's Day Out program that he can attend without me. He needs kids to share with and play with. Hopefully going to church tomorrow will help...

Back on topic...The last few days have been rough for me. I've been totally lonely, feeling defeated in my efforts (however minimal) to find people to interact with. In times like these I really, really miss my family. At home if I felt that way, I'd just call Mom or Dad and talk a few minutes. Can't do that whenever I want from Cairo, even with Skype. I have to take the time difference into account, so that leaves very few hours in the day that will work. So I have been praying a lot, asking God to help me settle into some good friendships.

Tonight I was invited to have coffee with Carmen, a teacher at the school, so I left after dinner to meet her at Cilantro, a little cafe. I had been feeling apprehensive about meeting her, because we had not talked much at all before. (She was on our first felucca with us, but I didn't visit with her much.) Also, she works full-time, and I am specifically on the hunt for daytime friends! She was so sweet to call me and invite me out, though. Carmen is from Paraguay. She has this beautiful accent. This is her first full school year in Cairo, so we had a wonderful time visiting, talking about how we ended up here, what it's like to be away from home, etc. We chatted for about an hour and a half, very comfortably. I left our meeting feeling content and happy.

I walked home from the cafe. The streets were dark, and I called Jason to let him know I was on my way home. As I was walking, I passed a girl with blonde hair. We said hi, and I walked on past her. When I turned on the street just before mine, I saw her walking about 20 yards ahead of me. Unreal, I thought. I thought I'd gone the shortest way, and I'd been walking so much quicker than she was. I walked faster, trying to catch up to her. (I don't know what came over me! I NEVER talk to people out of the blue like that!)

When I caught up to her, I said, "Okay, you've got to tell me which way you came, because I passed you way back there and you beat me here!" She smiled and said, "You did, and you were walking pretty fast!" She told me the way she'd come, and then I asked her what she does here in Cairo. She told me she's the assistant youth minister at the church we're visiting tomorrow. We talked about her job, and that the youth minister is a friend of a friend of a friend of mine, and she asked about my family. I told her I am here with Jason and Luke, and she said, "Oh I LOVE kids, and I want to sign up to be your first babysitter!" (WOO HOO!!) I then asked her about Bible studies and helping me find some ladies with kids Luke's age. She was great--so sweet, so welcoming...AND......she's from Texas and she said "y'all" to me! I was so happy. (It's the little things.) I told Kelly she was an answer to prayer, gave her a hug, and told her I'd see her tomorrow.

God is so faithful, isn't he? "Ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall find, knock and the door will be opened unto you." God continually gives me courage to do the things I don't want to do--helps me move out of my safety zone, reach out to others, accept the friendship offered to me, even when I am afraid and insecure. Without Him, how lost I would be.